For women of a certain age, the holiday season is sometimes bittersweet. By this point in our lives, we’re likely missing family and friends who are no longer with us. I know I am.
When I get out my Christmas decorations, I’m transported back in time to holidays I spent with my mom. She loved crafting and made many of my favorite decorations and tree ornaments. Our tree ornaments tell our family history—ornaments my daughter made in preschool, an ornament of my granddaughter’s handprint, ornaments my friends have given me through the years—but the ornaments that make my heart ache for my mother are the ones she made and proudly gave to me many Christmases.
Last night as I put those ornaments on the tree, tears flooded my cheeks. I’d give anything to have one more day with my mom. We were best friends. My daughter and I spent all our holidays with my mother. Mom traveled with me to visit family, attend the mystery readers and writers conferences, and spend summers in Ashland. Now I own Nightingales B&B where Mom and I stayed for many years. I see my mom in every room. I see her on the sidewalks and in the shops and restaurants in town.
When my heart feels as though it will burst with aching and the tears are flowing uncontrolled, I take deep breaths and come back to the present. Nobody lives in the past. I take stock of where I am now and am overwhelmed with gratefulness. I have my daughter, my granddaughter, my grandson, and so many close friends who have become family. We’ve carved out new traditions.
My partner, Darrell, and I watch Christmas in Connecticut with our friends, whom I now consider family, Colleen and Kent. I invite friends to my home to hear Annie, who is from Wales, read A Child’s Christmas in Wales. We attend parties, enjoy holiday theatre productions, and exchange gifts. My dear friend Irene, who was a friend of my mom’s as well, always knows the perfect gift to give me. This year it’s a Christmas sweater.
I often find it difficult to be in the present. My mind wants to go home, but home has changed, times have changed, I’ve changed. I do my holiday shopping with friends while remembering the fun-filled times I had shopping and laughing with my mom. I wrap gifts, fill stockings, and help my daughter prepare Christmas dinner as my mom and I used to do.
It feels strange to be the oldest member in the family. It happened so fast! But I’m determined to embrace aging with intelligence and grace.
This year we’ll be spending Christmas with my ex-husband, my daughter, and my grandchildren. We’ll enjoy delicious meals, watch White Christmas, take walks, and play games, but mostly we’ll laugh. I love being in the present and creating new memories to treasure.
This blog is a place to share, so I would very much like to hear about your holiday memories and traditions and what you do to stay grounded in the present.
I propose a toast to us, women of a certain age! We’ve educated ourselves in one way or another. We’ve seen the devastation of wars. We’ve raised families and lived to play with our grandchildren. We’ve not only survived, but we’ve thrived! And we’ve often done it with curlers in our hair and a baby resting on our hip. We’ve changed, and the world has changed with us. We’re vibrant women making a difference, so here’s to us and a memorable holiday season.
I almost forgot about my new book. While you’re relaxing after a busy Christmas, take time to read Merry Mayhem. Addie and her family and friends have a tradition that I’m going to introduce to my friends next holiday season. Let me know if you figure out what it is.
Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!
Not being a woman of any age, I’m not sure I have much to add to the discussion—except this: wherever we are in life, whoever we are, there’s so much beauty in celebrating the present moment, cherishing the friends and family who are still with us, and truly embracing life as fully as we can. Thank you, Pam, for the inspiration you bring into my life and for showing me ways to live it to the fullest. Cheers!